I know, I know he must not be the right one for me. At least not right now. But THAT'S always a really dangerous thing to think. One should not be banking on things changing in the future. Which I'm not, but you know what I mean. You DO know how I roll and how I like to obsess about things. Though I was thinking about it, and I think largely the reason this isn't bothering as much as it could potentially is because he DID have the balls to tell me what was going on, unlike some other Central Americans that we know. So I least I don't have that WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON???? feeling, which is nice.

There is always a disparity of feelings. But that's what was so great about this relationship..this summer we were totally and completely on the same page. It was so relaxing and nice and it felt great and non-stressful. So I just have to remember that feeling and always look for that feeling in a relationship from now on and not settle for anything less. This is what I must keep in mind, always.

Not that I plan on dating anyone, anytime soon. Though yesterday I think I accidentally ended up going on a date. It sort of snuck up on me unawares. It was with Vic, a cool guy who works in the dishpit. Unfortunately, I am not at all remotely attracted to him, due in no small part to the fact that he is mentally handicapped. He's not like, retarded, but there's just something..not..quite..right about him. Cool and fun though, but c'mon. Anyway, we saw Chicken Little and ate dinner at a Mexican resaurant. It was fun and I take any excuse I can get to get out of here for a little while, but I just hope he doesn't get the wrong idea. I mean, he does like Tori Amos and all..but he also is obsessed with superheros and Star Wars. Maybe I'm wrong anyway and he doesn't really like me "that way" anyway. Though he did bring me a pancake with a whipped cream smiley-face this morning for breakfast. Hmm. There are actually a few other guys here whom I'm sure would not mind getting in my pants, but I don't even slightly like any of them, at least as more than friends. Although in a way I think it would be fun to have a crush, at the same time, I'm totally not ready.

I'm not going to find out about grad school until like MARCH I think. Gaaaaahhhhh...Talk about driving me CRAZY. I just hope to GOD I get in, Kristen. I am going to be so very very upset if I don't. I mean, really upset. Way more upset than I have been about this thing, because it's like, EVERYTHING I'VE EVER WORKED FOR IN MY ENTIRE LIFE. I too am in the thick of my quarter life crisis. So is everybody I know.